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Monday, June 26, 2006

queerasfolk - Season 5

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Plot Summary:

Genres: Drama
Tagline: It's here. It's queer. Coming out July 4/2006.
Plot Synopsis: Based on the British series of the same name, Showtime's queerasfolk' presents the American version. Following the lives of five gay men in Pittsburgh, queerasfolk' is a riveting drama full of sex, drugs, adventure, friendship and love. Although the creators of queerasfolk' wanted to present an honest depiction of gay life, it is by no means a comprehensive depiction. In addition to the usual sexual escapades and relationships of the five friends, the show explores critical gay political and health issues.

Product Details

Actors: Michelle Clunie, Robert Gant, Thea Gill, Gale Harold, Randy Harrison
Directors: Alex Chapple, Michael DeCarlo
Format: Box set, Collector's Edition, Color, Dubbed, NTSC
Language: English
Region: Region 1 (U.S. and Canada only.

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Number of discs: 18
Rating - Not Rated
Studio: Paramount
DVD Release Date: July 4, 2006

DVD Features:
Cyndi Lauper "Shine" music video
Rosie O'Donnell photo montage
Season finale wrap party reel
Season finale extended scenes
Patrick Antosh fashion extra
A special message from The Trevor Project and Queer as Folk
SHO Original
Sneak peek of Noah's Arc from LOGO Network
Queer as Folk merchandise sweepstakes

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BMI Film & TV Awards: BMI Cable Award
Directors Guild of Canada: DGC Craft Award for Outstanding Achievement in Picture Editing - Television Series, Outstanding Achievement in Production Design - Television Series, Outstanding Achievement in Sound Editing - Short Form, Outstanding Achievement in a Television Series - Drama
Prism Awards: Prism Award for TV Drama Series Multi-Episode Storyline
Vancouver Effects and Animation Festival: Third Prize for Effects Titles Ident's PSA's

ACTRA Awards: ACTRA Toronto Award for Outstanding Performance - Female
Casting Society of America, USA: Artios for Best Casting for TV, Dramatic Pilot
Directors Guild of Canada: DGC Team Award for Outstanding Team Achievement in a Television Series - Drama, Outstanding Achievement in Picture Editing - Television Series, Outstanding Achievement in Production Design - Television Series, Outstanding Achievement in Picture Editing - Short Form, Outstanding Achievement in Production Design - Short Form, Outstanding Achievement in Direction - Television Series, Outstanding Achievement in Direction, Outstanding Achievement in a Television Series - Drama
GLAAD Media Awards: GLAAD Media Award for Outstanding Drama Series, Outstanding Drama Series, Outstanding Drama Series, Outstanding Drama Series, Outstanding Drama Series
Motion Picture Sound Editors, USA: Golden Reel Award for Best Sound Editing in Television Episodic - Music, Best Sound Editing - Television Episodic - Music
Prism Awards: Prism Award for Performance in a Drama Series Storyline, Performance in a Drama Series Multi-Episode Storyline, Performance in a Drama Series Storyline.

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Set in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, this series is filmed in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

The set for the Popular Gay nightclub Babylon was an actual club during part of the first and second season. Due to the operating hours of the club the show moved to a sound stage where they could use a look-alike set at any given time.
The producers decided to pursue the project after reading an article in the Los Angeles Times that critically praised the UK version and said that any American attempt at a show of this nature would be a complete disaster.

At one point 'Joel Shumacher' was attached to direct the pilot.

In the pilot episode, Michael goes through the back room of Babylon looking for Brian. On his way, He sees another friend (who's having sex) and says, "Hey, Todd! How's it going?" Todd looks at him and says, "Fine!" A different character asks Todd the same thing in the first episode of the first, second, fourth, and fifth seasons.

A U.S. Mailbox shown is in painted half red, half blue colors. All official U.S. mailboxes in the United States are a solid blue color.

Distinctive Toronto landmarks can be seen in scenes set in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
In Pennsylvania, where this is to be set, car license plates are only on the rear of the cars. On cars shown in different scenes, license plates are visible on the front as well.

The Judge when reading the caption on the Indecent exposure case against Vic: She referred to "The People vs. Victor Grassi". In Pennsylvania the plaintiff in a criminal case is referred to as "The Commonwealth".

Several references to the Susquehanna River. The rivers in the Pittsburg area are: Allegheny, Monongahela and Ohio.

In the first episode of the first season when Brian pours the water over him, trying to seduce Justin, his hair is wet. In the next shot his hair is dry, then wet again.
In episode 405, just before Deb walks in on Vic's dinner party, Debbie (
Michael celebrates his 30th birthday in 2001, meaning he was born in 1971. But in season two his date of birth is revealed to be March 1970.

In episode 116 when Justin and Daphne are entering the classroom, Justin has his backpack over his right shoulder. It then alternates between his left and right shoulders. Later it falls off, comes back on, and then is off again.

Blake comes back to Ted's wearing a suit and Ted takes off Blake's tie. In the next scene, Blake's tie is still on.

Crazy Credits
"queerasfolk is a celebration of the lives and passions of a group of gayfriends. It is not meant to reflect all of gay society."

Michael: What's wrong with here?
Brian: I've had everyone in here.

Justin: I'm not a child. I'm turning 18 soon. That means I can vote, and get married, and join the army.
Emmett: Hopefully not on the same day.

Justin: Bed rest is an important part of every recovery.
Ted: Thank you, Doogie Howser.

Ted: I could fix you up with my sister... Only, she looks like me in a dress.

Debbie: If I have to watch Martha Stewart make one more g****** thing out of goat cheese, I'm going to kill myself.
Vic: AMC has a Joan Crawford festival all week.
Debbie: Nobody's that gay.

Debbie: Hi, honey. What are you doing here?
Michael: Uncle Vic asked me to bring some rope to tie you down.
Debbie: Kinky.

Brian: It's not lying if they make you lie. If the only truth they can accept is their own.

Emmett: It's pathetic. My screen name has more fun than I do.

queerasfolk queerasfolk
queerasfolk queerasfolk
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Brian: What are you doing?
Justin: Giving my friend Daphne a tour of your house.
Brian: This isn't the White House. George Washington hasn't slept here.
Justin: He's the only guy who hasn't.

Melanie: Your screwing everything that moves is your finest quality and our best defense.

Emmett: A song and a snack can turn any moment into an occasion.

Mysterious Marilyn: God writes the script, sweetie. I just say the lines.

Melanie: What are you? Mr. Teflon? S*** just never sticks to you.

Emmett: My flame has been rekindled and is burning brighter than ever.

Michael: Seeing them in their beautiful home with their new baby and their arms around each other, I wished for a moment that I too could be a lesbian. But then I remembered that I'd have to eat p****, so I said forget it.

Michael: Being there that day I realized how different men and women are, and I don't think it has anything to do with being gay or straight. It's that, the way I see it, women know how to commit to each other, men don't. At least, not the men I know.

Michael: I read some place...
Brian: Where? Marvel Comics?
Michael: ...that infants respond to things even while still in the womb. For instance, tension and discord affect them adversely, while playing Mozart and stuff like that makes 'em super smart.
Brian: Well how do you think listening to the sound of two *** go down on each other for the past nine months has affected him. Christ, he'll probably grow up to be straight.
Michael: All the more reason why he needs his dad

Emmett: I was talking to Dungeon Master Don, who wants to mummify me - have you noticed that the world's getting weirder?

Emmett: Why do I always give my heart away to trash?
Brian: Because you want to see it in the dumpster.

Brian: Are you coming or going? Or coming, and then going? Or coming and staying?

[On why Lindsay's WASP parents won't help pay for their wedding]
Melanie: You're a ***, you're marrying a Jew, and you're a registered Democrat. Need I say more?

Brian: He stole all my clothes. I'm suspecting gay-on-gay crime here.
Lindsay: It wouldn't surprise me. You've had more visitors than Disney World.

Michael: Have you ever been on a date?
Brian: One. I ended up f***ing the waiter.

Brian: I don't believe in love, I believe in f***ing. It's honest, it's efficient - you get in and out with a maximum of pleasure and a minimum of b*******.

Brian: Come on, Mikey, let's fly, like in those comic books. I am Superman. I'll show you the world.
Michael: Why am I always Lois Lane?

Michael: I think the artist has taken some liberties.
Brian: It's a perfect likeness.
Michael: Come on, it was never that big.
Brian: Hey, you haven't seen it in a long time.
Michael: I haven't seen "Gone With The Wind" in a long time either, but I know it's still three and half hours long.

Michael: I don't wanna be a saint. I wanna be a ruthless, heartless s*** who f***s whoever he wants without conscience or remorse.
Brian: I'm sorry, that position's already been filled.

Justin: I've just seen the face of God. His name's Brian Kinney.

Justin: This was the best night of my life.
Brian: Even if it was ridiculously romantic.

[to Craig Taylor] Brian: So in other words, for Justin to live here with you, he has to deny who he is... what he thinks... and how he feels. Well, that's not love. That's hate.

[to his father] Justin: If you wanna hit me go right ahead. Because I'm not gonna cry like some little f*****. And if you wanna send me off to boarding school that's fine too. Because I bet more *** f***ing goes on in boarding schools than in the back room of Babylon. But whatever you do, it doesn't matter. Because I'll still be your *** son.

Emmett: You're just jealous because we have what you don't.
Brian: Anal warts?

Brian: Don't get yourself all worked up.
Michael: I'm half Italian and half drag queen. I'm allowed to get worked up.

[on dating a guy who's HIV positive] Ted: It's like playing with fire. I mean... what if a condom breaks? Or he's flossing his teeth and his gums bleed?
Brian: Or he shoots off his load and you're bending over to tie your shoe and it accidentally flies up your ***...

Emmett: I haven't seen so many dogs since 101 Dalmatians.

Michael Charles Novotny: You f***ed a murderer?
Hunter: What's the big deal? I used a condom.
[to Michael] Brian Kinney: Well, your safe sex lecture paid off.

[after Michael informs Hunter that Brian already has a boyfriend]
Hunter: You do?
Brian Kinney: In a non-defined, non-conventional way, yeah.

[Michael and Hunter argue about Hunter's 'job' as a hustler]
Michael Charles Novotny: This guy could have killed you.
Hunter: They all could.
Michael Charles Novotny: Well, if you know that why do you do it?
Hunter: I have low self-esteem. I was sexualized at too early an age. It's exciting, fun, and a great way to make non-reportable income.
Michael Charles Novotny: I would like an honest answer, smart-***.
Brian Kinney: He just gave you one.

Mel: I said Brian is not the person you want responsible for your life. He's a selfish, narcisistic, little, f***ing f*****. And let me tell you something, it's not because you *** ***. It's because you're a little f***ing coward.

Daphne: Didn't it hurt?
Justin: At first I felt like someone was shoving a broom up there.

Michael: That's where I know you from... From the White party... You gave me crabs.

Brian: Why don't you find yourself some nice fuzzy lezzy with a therapist license and work it out.

Brian: How do I look?
Justin: Great... You always look great.

Ted: I took viagra last night. It's been 18 hours and it won't go down. What am I going to do?
Emmett: Have you tried soaking it?
Lindsay: How about a cold shower?
Brian: How about scaring it?
Justin: That's hiccups.
Brian: Boo.
Ted: Thank you all for caring.
Melanie: What about something that would completely turn you off?
Brian: That's a great idea, why don't you two show him your t***

Justin: I like dick. I wanna get f***ed by dick. I wanna *** dick. I like *** dick, and I'm good at it too.

Justin: Well listen up, now that your hearing has returned... This *** says "F*** YOU".

Justin: Welcome to the real world Daph... Nobody gives a s*** about a Gay-Straight Alliance.

Emmett: Pink champagne... yeah, uh, that's too nelly, even for me.

Debbie: Well, if it isn't the man behind the a******.
Michael: Brian's always behind the a******.

Daphne: I'm not a lesbian, but I'm a big fan.

Brian: "How old are you really?",
Justin: 20, 19, 18,
Brian: What is this, a missile launch?
Justin: "17".

Daphne: I'm not the one who got weird. Ever since you met Brian, you've become this totally different person. You go out with him all the time to bars and clubs. It's like I don't even know you.

Brian: Hetero's one... Homo's nothing.

Michael: Brian doesn't do boyfriends.

Michael: Brian is a selfish ***. He doesn't care about anyone but himself.

Melanie: Brian... I know what its like. His manipulations.

Justin: Aren't you shocked?
Daphne: Not Really. I kinda figured that you were you know.

Debbie: You've got to keep your strength up, sunshine. You can't cruise all night on an empty stomach.

Ted: The problem with perfection is its inability to recognize anything less perfect than itself.

Brian: So, Dawson, how are things at the Creek?

Michael: So, everybody knows you don't have sex with your friends.
Ted: Oh, right! Sex is something you only have with complete strangers, yeah, people you will never see again - unless you just bump into them on the street, but never with someone you might actually give a s*** about.
Ted: Who made up these crazy rules, anyway, huh?
Michael: Beats me, let's go have a drink.

Brian: I want it to be you
Michael: What?
Brian: I want it to be you. I'll put it in writing.
Michael: I want it to be you, too. You pull my plug.
Brian: And you pull mine.

Brian Kinney: This used to be such a magical kingdom, full of sprites and fairies.
Justin: Now it's like watching the Wizard of Oz in reverse.
Brian Kinney: Cops in the streets, cops in the bars, cops in the clubs. It's f***ing depressing!
Justin: Unless you're into cops.

Michael Charles Novotny: I don't know how you do it, working all day, f***ing all night.
Brian Kinney: Well they say in the vast emptiness of space, the faster you move, the slower you age. I have to believe the same holds true for Pittsburgh. You care to join me?
Michael Charles Novotny: You'll have to stay forever young without me.
Brian Kinney: I understand, you're in a committed relationship with your, what is that hideous expression? Significant other? Loser.

Justin: He loves me.
Brian Kinney: Your dreamy-eyed school boy.
Justin: In ways that you can't.
Brian Kinney: In ways that I won't.

Brian Kinney: As usual, objectivity falls to me... Think: you don't really want me there, do you? I have to be chemically dependent just to show up. I'll be drunk, I'll be bored, not to mention better looking than the brides. I'll offend all the ***. I'll heckle the ceremony. Table dance at the reception, and inevitably f*** every good looking guy - gay, straight or undecided - in the place. Finally, I'll pass out naked, bitching about the cheap booze. You'll lose your dignity, friends and shirts paying for the damages. Hell! I'm doing you a favor getting out of town.

Brian Kinney: You stupid little ***, never let anyone f*** you without a condom.
Justin: You're not just anyone.
Brian Kinney: Yeah, I'm sure that's what Ben thought about the guy who infected him. Put it on me... I want you safe. I want you around for a long time.

[talking about Lindsay] Justin: She must have really wanted a kid.
Brian: Most women do.
Justin: Even lesbians?
Brian: Lesbians ARE women... sort of.

Emmett: If you ask me, nobody makes a better woman than a gay man.

Emmett: I prefer to think of them all as lunatics. Except for Aunt Lulah, who was supposed to be the crazy one. She was my only friend.

Michael: When you spend your entire life keeping it a secret... who you really are. You learn to stop trusting people and it becomes second nature.

Michael: ways that maybe no one intended, those superheroes were a lot like me. At work they're meek, underappreciated... they're the guys that never get laid. And when they're around other people, they can never let anyone get too close for fear that their true identities will be discovered.

Debbie: A leopard can't change his stripes and neither can a ***.

Debbie: Article fourteen of the Super Mom handbook says no kicking a******* when they're down. They'd take away my halo.

Debbie: You get my t*** in a knot, Sunshine, and you're gonna be in deep s***.

Debbie: I'm biting my tongue so hard I'm tasting blood.

Melanie: There's no f***ing way Brian Kinney's f***ing sperm are doing the breaststroke in my fallopian tube.

Michael: I want you to know what you're doing really ***.
Brian: Oh Christ, not you too. Look, Stockwell's just stirring s*** up. Once he gets elected this will all blow over.
Michael: You think it's going to blow over for Ted?
Brian: Um, Ted f***ed up. That's not my problem.
Michael: Mom's right, you don't care about anyone but yourself.
Brian: Well if I don't who will, you know? Stockwell and his supporters are my first class ticket out of this second-rate, second-class-Burg.
Michael: What about about you're 'second-rate' friends?
Brian: When I'm on the 99th floor of my new office in New York, this will all seem like a distant memory.
Michael: Fine. Go.
[starts to leave]
Michael: Take Justin with you.
Brian: Wait, you didn't let me finish. It'll all seem like a distant memory except for you. Because no matter where I go or who I'm with. I'll always love you.
Michael: B*******.
Brian: It's not b*******.
[He kisses Michael on the forehead]

Brian: Do you know what I remember from high school?
Michael: That time in Biology when you beat off in a test tube and tried to call it your science experiment?
Brian: Food. There was always lots of food at your house.
Michael: Well, that's an Italian thing. And there was always lots of booze at your house.
Brian: That's an Irish thing.

[about the casting of the lead character of his comic book] Michael: Well, I heard straight actors won't take gay roles.

[on coming out] Emmett: Why tell anyone? Why lose everything when it can just be your little secret? You see, it was different for me. Everyone could tell who I was from the start and it didn't make my life any easier. I've been beaten up, cursed at, spit on, ignored... but in a way it was worth it. Because I have never had to live a lie and I'm not about to start now. Not for you, not for anyone.

Emmett: What kind of homosexual are you?
Brian: The kind that f***s men.

[Brian's looking at his car]
Brian: This is like that time in 7th grade when I lent you my brand new 10-speed and when you brought it back my front fender was crushed, my seat was torn...
Michael: I was hit by a bus!

[walking up to a drunk Emmett]
Justin: We're going to Babylon. You wanna come?
Emmett: I'm not really in the mood for men or muscles or music... I'd rather stay here, get s***-faced.
Brian: You passed s***-faced about 10 miles back.
Emmett: So I've had a few cocktails. Does that qualify me for rehab? Besides, I've already been there.
Justin: Did you see Ted?
Emmett: And you'll never guess who's there with him.
Brian: Liza?
Justin: Robert Downey, Jr.?
Brian: Ben Affleck?
Justin: Matthew Perry?

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Brian: Basic rule of advertising and eternal damnation: Once you sell your soul to the devil, he holds the copyright.

Debbie: So, how was your last trick?
Emmett: Mmm, big dick. Teeny brain.
Debbie: The best kind!

Debbie: Out of my way or I'll punch you out.
Vic: Your doctor told you not to exert yourself.
Debbie: Well f*** 'em! I punched you out when you were a kid, and I can punch you out now!

[about Gus]
Lindsay: Isn't he a little young for James Dean?
Brian: Well you don't want him watching The Teletubbies. Might make him gay.

[looking at Melanie's ultra-sound]
Michael: Holy s***! Would you check out the dick on this kid?
Lindsay: The's the umbilical cord.
Melanie: Besides, you can't tell from this if it's a boy or girl. Although something tells me a princess is on the way.
Michael: Well, it's Ok with me if he's gay.

Michael: You can't open someone else's mail. It's a federal offense.
Hunter: I can see it now: I'm on Death Row awaiting a lethal injection. This mass murderer who killed 48 babies and ate them asks me what I'm being executed for. I say, "Opening Ben's letter."

Brian: We're ***. We don't need marriage. We don't need the sanction of dickless politicians and *** priests. We f*** who we want to, when we want to. That is our God-given right.
Michael: But it is also our God-given right to have everything that straight people have. Because we're every bit as much human as they are.

Debbie: There is an alternative to going out in a blaze of glory, and that's giving 'em all the big 'F*** you.'

Emmett: Teddy, how many of those power bars have you had?
[shrug] Ted: Who's counting?
Emmett: I am. That's your fourth. Do you know the number of carbs in those things, not to mention the calories?
Ted: So I'll burn 'em off.
Emmett: Honey, you'd have to go up in flames.

[Brian tells Ted he plans to buy Babylon]
Brian: I want it!
Ted: Oh, you want it! What for?
Brian: I gotta keep the boys off the street at night. I gotta provide them with a warm, friendly environment in which to use illegal substances and have promiscuous sex - safely, of course.
Ted: Noble sentiment. But investment-wise, not very practical.
Brian: And what would be practical, Theodore? To get married? And move to the suburbs? And become a home-lovin', child-raisin', God-fearin' imitation heterosexual? And for what? So that I can become another dead soul, goin' to the mall, droppin' my kids off at school, and having barbecues in the backyard? That's *their* death. Not mine. I'm a ***! I'm ***! And to anyone who takes pity or offense, I say, "judge yourself." This is where I live. This is who I am.

[Brian's just about to re-open Babylon]
Brian: I haven't had this much fun with a toy since my Erector Set!
Emmett: My parents couldn't afford an Erector Set. So I decided to play with the one God gave me.

Brian: When did you change?
Michael: What?
Brian: When did you become this pious, sanctimonious, judgmental twit?
Michael: The point is not when did I change, the point is why haven't you? When are you gonna stop being some over-the-hill club boy and grow up?
Brian: Oh, so now I'm the object of your disapproval, too. You and the Nutty Professor get married, in f***ing Canada! You move to Stepford Avenue with all the other ersatz heterosexuals, and suddenly that gives you the right to make pronouncements on everybody else's life? Well, welcome to the other side of your perfect marriage, Mikey. It's called gay divorce. Fags and *** can f*** up their lives just like the rest of the world.

Debbie: My good ring just fell behind the fridge!
Michael: Your *good* ring?
Debbie: Yeah, the one I got on the TV show.
Vic: From the Joan Rivers Collection.
Debbie: And don't say a f***ing thing about her. I like that she's got a big, dirty mouth that gets her in trouble.

Emmett: My intuition tells me things are not going to go well tonight.
Ted: Well, your intuition also told you Madonna was going to win an Oscar for "Evita."
Emmett: She *so* deserved it.

Mel: Don't f*** with Mother Nature, huh? Well, I'm here to tell her, don't f*** with me!

Debbie: Well, as far as I'm concerned, it ain't over until the... slightly-overweight-but-still-working-on-it lady sings.

Debbie: A word of advice, my sweet Emmett - mourn the losses because they are many. But celebrate the victories because they are few.

[shows Lindsay a poster] Brian: Blue Rooster. The chicken chain. They need a campaign for their new 16-ounce sandwich. How do ya like, "When You're Hungry For A Big Cock!"?
[Lindsay blankly stares]
Brian: Yeah, they didn't like it either.

Brian: I'm sure there are millions of faggots who'd love nothing more than to walk the straight-and-narrow, but I'd sooner die than see Liberty Avenue homogenized and de-homo-ized.

Brian: Sunshine, how did I ever get along without you?
Justin: You didn't.

[there is a huge line outside Babylon]
Emmett: Brian must be giving *** to get customers. Honestly, he has no shame.

[doing his Queer Guy segment on the news]
Emmett: Hi. I'm Emmett Honeycutt, your Queer Guy. And certified member of the 4-F Club. That's fashion, food, furnishings, and
Emmett: we'll save the last F for cable.

[about passing baby J.R. around] Melanie: If you would've listened to me and done what I said, we wouldn't be playing this game of, "Baby, Baby, Who's Got The Baby?".
Lindsay: That's what's killing you, isn't it? It has nothing to do with the baby or the custody agreement. It has to do with you, Melanie Marcus, not getting her way, not having complete control over everything. Well, tough s***, ya don't!

Monty: Which one of you is the gardener and which one's the chef?
Justin: I really like cooking.
Brian: And I love planting my seed in some hole...
[everyone looks at him strangely]
Brian: the ground.

[about Monty and Eli thinking Babylon is trashy] Brian: So many couples I speak to these days feel that way. That's why I'm starting Monogamous Mondays.

[Ted is just about to have plastic surgery, and he has lines and arrows drawn all over his face]
Ted: Look at me! I look like a cow chart in the butcher shop!

[having just come home from the hospital after hitting his head during a swim meet]
Hunter: Two hours for a f***in' Band-Aid. Good thing I wasn't decapitated or I'd be sitting in that g****** Emergency Room holding my head all night.

Lindsay: He's been saying "Dada" all morning.
Brian: So he's developed an interest in German surrealism...

Michael: Rather than missing what used to be, I look forward to what's yet to be.

Brian: Good evening, twats.
Emmett: Would you kindly refrain from using derogatory references to women, since they represent half my fan base.
Brian: Have any hermaphrodites?
Emmett: I don't think so.
Brian: Good. Go f*** yourself.

Emmett: Do you think I'm physically attractive? Sexy?
Debbie: Keeping in mind that I'm a heterosexual woman of a certain age, and you're *** as they come - f***, yeah.

[talking about Hunter leaving]
Michael: He was determined to leave so he left. There wasn't anything we could've done to stop him. Why are you beating yourself up over it?
Ben: Because he was my blood. You still have a healthy baby daughter, Michael. She'll be loved, sent to a good school, raised in a world where she'll have every chance, every opportunity. Not like Hunter who had nothing. Less than nothing. I wanted to give him all those things he never had.
Michael: So did I
Ben: But I failed.
Michael: You didn't fail.
Ben: Yes I did. I did fail.
Michael: We gave him a home, everything we could of ourselves to make him part of our family.
Ben: Then why isn't he still here?

Emmett: Apparently Pittsburgh is not ready to handle the fact that not only are queers anatomically corrrect, but they actually use all their parts.

Troy: F***ing losers! They just don't get it, do they? These guys, I feel sorry for them. I can't help it, it's my nature. So out of the goodness of my heart, I have sex with them, give them something to remember for a rainy day. But it's never enough. They're pitiful. F***ing pitiful.
Ted: I know what you mean... I was one of them.
Troy: What? You're hot.
Ted: You didn't think so then. Pride, 2002.
Troy: Thought there was something familiar about you.
Ted: Yeah, I was one of your pity f***s. A fact you made painfully clear. Well, guess what? Now you're mine.

[Ben opens the front door]
Ben: Brian!
Brian: Excellent, Professor. You recognize the subject and can identify him by name.
Ben: We've gone to bed.
Brian: That's right, I forgot. The Stepford Husbands turn in early!

[about Justin leaving]
Brian: You infected him, with your petty, bourgois, mediocre, conformist, assimilationist life! Thanks to you he's got visions - babies, weddings, white picket fences - dancing in his blond little head.
Michael: And you think *I* put them there?
Brian: Before you and your husband tied the noose around your necks he was perfectly happy! But now, he's a defector, just like the rest of you!
Michael: He was never perfectly happy! Waiting for years for you to say "I love you, you're the only one I want."
Brian: That's *not* who I am!
Michael: Don't we all know!

[Ted's trying to get Brian to talk about losing both Michael and Justin]
Ted: You can't fool me. You gotta free yourself of this burden. Release it. Let it all hang out.
Brian: My mother was a frigid bitch. My father was an abusive drunk. They had a hateful marriage, which is probably why I am unwilling or unable to form a committed long-term relationship of my own. The fact that I drink like a fish, abuse drugs, and have more or less redefined promiscuity doesn't help, much. As a result, I've lost the two people in my life that mean most to me.

[talking to himself] Emmett: Emm, don't be such a scaredy queen. No-one's stalking you. Why would anybody stalk you? Just because you're on the Channel 5 news, and everybody adores the Queer Guy. And of course there is the undeniable fact that you have an awesome ***.

[after talking to homophobic people all day]
Corinne: I wanted to say, "How can you be such a bigoted, ignorant a****** and still call yourself an American?"
Melanie: What *did* President Bush say?

[Michael says that Ben's been heartbroken since Hunter left]
Debbie: You two having sex?
Michael: Ma!

Brian: Remember what I said to you last night?
Justin: Yes, I heard. You said you love me.
Brian: Then how about marrying me?

Ted: The contractor just told me that Babylon will be back on its dancing feet in no time with enough insurance money left over to put in that new sound system.
Brian: That's good news. Except I've decided not to reopen the club.
Ted: What?
Brian: Babylon is history.
Ted: But it's your baby, your toy, your personal playground.
Brian: Well, now it's a battleground.
Ted: What are you gonna do with it?
Brian: You said there're developers who wanna tear it down, put in a mini mall.
Ted: And you said you'd sooner die than see our happy homo home homogenized.
Brian: Enough people have already died. Anyway, who'd pay 20 bucks to dance in the memory of bombs and corpses?

[at the candlelight vigil for those injured or killed in the explosion at Babylon]
Drew Boyd: I was asked to say a few words tonight. I asked "why?" They said, "Because you're a hero." A hero... Because I played football? Because after a lifetime of denial I was finally honest about who I am? I don't call that heroic. What *is* heroic is standing up for the rights you deserve, no matter what the consequences. And that's exactly what those who were injured... and who lost their lives last night were doing. Or trying to before they were stopped. But they were up against a powerful opponent - hatred. Hatred spread by those that want to deny others what's rightfully theirs. In the name of *their* God, *their* family, *their* country. I guess they forgot that America belongs to everyone.

Melanie: I used to hate it when Brian would say, "There are two kinds of straight people in this world - the ones who hate you to your face, and the ones who hate you behind your back," because I knew that wasn't true, there are plenty of straight people who don't hate us. But the ones who do no longer have to do it behind our backs, they can do it in the White House, in the churches, on television, in the streets! Is that the kinda place we wanna live? Is that the kinda place we wanna raise our kids?

Brian: You won't marry me. Who could blame you? I am, without a doubt, the worst candidate for marriage alive. But, conversely, that's also the reason that I'm the best candidate.
Justin: And how's that?
Brian: Because as strongly as I was opposed to the idea, now that I'm behind it, I am as fervently and passionately committed.
Justin: Uh-huh. And what changed your mind?
Brian: I finally thought of one good reason to do it.
Justin: And what is that one good reason?
Brian: To prove to the person that I love how much I love him. That I would give him anything, I would do anything, I'd be anything... to make him happy.
Justin: You're f***ing unbelievable.
Brian: It's true. I am.
Justin: You, you bought this. You bought this palace.
Brian: It's for my prince. I'm also selling the loft, and the club.
Justin: Without even knowing what my answer would be?
Brian: I'm taking a chance on love.
Justin: ...Then you mean it.
Brian: I've never meant anything more.
Justin: Ok.
Brian: Ok?
Justin: Let's do it.
Brian: Say it.
Justin: Yes!
Brian: Yes what?
Justin: Yes. Yes, I will marry you. I will marry you.
[they kiss, then Brian pulls away]
Justin: What? Don't tell me you're already having second thoughts.
Brian: Not one.

[after she's read Brian and Justin's wedding announcement]
Debbie: There's only one explanation - he must've knocked up Sunshine.

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Michael: Look, what happened between us, I just wanted to say...
Brian: Forget it. I behaved like an a******; you behaved like a bigger one. So... you wanna be my best man?
Michael: Really?
Brian: You've always stood up for me. Why should now be any different?

[Michael can't stand to talk about Mel and Linz moving]
Michael: I don't wanna talk about this.
Brian: Fine, let's talk about something else. What should I wear to my wedding? My mom wants me to wear the gown she wore, but, let's face it, she never had much luck.

[Justin's making the wedding seating chart while he and Brian are talking about Gus moving]
Justin: Y'know, you amaze me. He's your son and you're acting like you don't give a s***.
Brian: They're his parents, not me. I'm just...
Justin: An uncredited guest appearance, I know. You should give yourself more credit. I see how you are when you're with him, it's like nobody else on earth exists. And the way he looks at you -
Brian: Y'know, I don't think you should seat your mom's boyfriend next to Debbie unless you're trying to scare him away.
Justin: Would you listen to me? Are you listening?
Brian: Yeah, I'm listening.
Justin: You are not your father. You love your son. Now what's it gonna take for you to admit it, another bomb?

[Brian doesn't want Gus to move to Canada]
Brian: He's not the only one I'm going to be losing. I don't want you to go, Wendy.
Lindsay: I have to, Peter.

Emmett: As Deb once said to me, "Em, you've been on more wieners than French's mustard."

Michael: This is where it all began...
Brian: ... and ended.
Michael: But it's who we are. It's what made us.
Brian: Didn't you say that this was all just a cheap illusion? That outside life goes on and in here nothing ever changes?
Michael: I did say that, yes, but that was before I realized that some things aren't meant to change. Dance with me.

[Justin walks out in his wedding tux]
Brian: Holy s***.
Justin: What?
Brian: You look...
Justin: Good? Bad? Laughable?
Brian: Beautiful.

[at Brian's stag party]
Michael: Can I have your attention, please? I would like to offer a toast to the memory of Brian Kinney. Out-going, friendly, some would say to a fault, he never met a man he didn't like.
Ben: In his younger days, Brian dreamed of being a lawyer. He said, "I want to get innocent men off. I'll go to any length to get to the bottom of things."
Emmett: Later on in life, he devoted himself to volunteer work. It's true. If he heard that someone was laid up, or flat on his back, he'd come time and time again until they felt better.
Michael: So, now that he's gone, I'm sure that there's not a man in this room who wouldn't agree that he has left a hole that can never be filled. Here's to Brian!

Melanie: You finally grew a heart.
Brian: Maybe you'll have the same luck growing a ***.

[about their first night at Babylon, so many years ago]
Brian: I thought I looked pretty hot.
Michael: You did look pretty hot. ...That night I jerked off thinking about you.
Brian: Well, whaddya know. I jerked off thinking about me, too.

[giving his speech at the Committee for Human Rights]
Michael: It's an honor to stand here today, considering a few weeks ago the doctors weren't sure I was going to make it. But I was one of the lucky ones. I'm here. And as terrifying as it was, I'd be there again to defeat a bill that would deny rights to Americans just because they're gay. I have a loving partner, two wonderful kids, a home, a small business. The truth is, I'm just like you.
[puts away prepared speech and speaks from the heart]
Michael: Actually, that's not the truth. Sure, in a lot of ways, I am just like you. I wanna be happy, I want some security, a little extra money in my pocket, but in many ways, my life is nothing like yours. Why should it be? Do we all have to have the same lives to have the same rights? I thought that diversity was what this country was all about. In the gay community, we have drag queens, leather daddies, trannies, and couples with children -- every color of the rainbow. My mother's standing way in the back with some friends. My friends. She once told me that people are like snowflakes; every one special and unique...and in the morning you have to shovel 'em off the driveway. But being different is what makes us all the same. It's what makes us family.

Ethan: Why do you have to be so antisocial?
Justin: I'm not antisocial. I just can't stand people.

Debbie: Do you know what MYOB stands for?
[look blankly] Ted, Emmett:
Debbie: Mind your own f***ing business.
Ted: Shouldn't there be an "f" in there?
[nods] Emmett: Mmm.

Brian: I don't want to be with someone who sacrified their life and called it love... to be with me.
Justin: Neither do I.

Ben: Instead of being our foster son, we'd like you to be our real son. That is, if you'd like us to be your fathers.
Hunter: You mean, you wanna adopt me?
Michael: As soon as possible, in case Prop 14 passes.
[Hunter begins writing in his journal, talking aloud]
Hunter: Today Michael and Ben asked me to be their son. ...I said yes.

[Ted and Emmett are at a ski lodge, with Ted just about to blow out his birthday candles]
Ted: Every year I always wish for the same thing -- a boyfriend. Someone to love who'll love me. This year I think I'm gonna wish for something else. The wisdom and maturity to realize that I won't find what I want by looking for it. Not expect someone else to give me what I never gave myself. That I'm not a half waiting to be made a whole. And even if that special person never comes along... I'll be just fine.
[Suddenly, Blake walks up behind Ted]
Blake Wyzecki: Ted?
Ted: Blake?!
Blake Wyzecki: I thought it was you.
Ted: What are you doing here?
Blake Wyzecki: I'm on the gay ski team. And it's gay ski week.
Ted: Right. Uh, you remember...
Blake Wyzecki: Emmett.
Emmett: Yeah, wow, what a surprise. And Teddy was just about to hang up his skis.

Calvin: Pardon me, but aren't you Emmett Honeycutt, of the Hazelhurst, Mississippi Honeycutts?
Emmett: Why, yes I am. And you are?
Calvin: Ah...
Emmett: Oh, my God. You're Calvin Colpepper! You were on the boys' swim team in high school! I used to go to those meets just hoping your trunks would slip off.
Calvin: Oh, now...
Emmett: But I always thought you were, um...
Calvin: So did I.
Emmett: So what do you say we go back to my room and reminisce about old times?
Calvin: There's not that much to reminisce about.
Emmett: I know.

[just as Mel and Linz are leaving for Canada]
Debbie: Hold it. I don't care where you're going and I don't care what you're doing, but you better get your *** back here every Thanksgiving, Christmas, Fourth of July, Chanukah, and Mother's Day. Cos you know how I feel about family.
Melanie: We wouldn't be one without you, Deb.

Lindsay: You'll be all right?
Brian: Wiffout you cwazy wesbians?
Lindsay: I meant Justin.
Brian: He's a selfish ***. Thinks only of himself.
Lindsay: You taught him well. ...I know. I'm sorry. No apologies.
Brian: No regrets.
[they kiss]

[Justin's about to leave for New York]
Justin: I'll be back. And you'll come there, we're gonna see each other all the time.
Brian: You don't know that. Neither do I. Whether we see each other next week, next month, never again, it doesn't matter. It's only time.
[picking up the box that holds their wedding rings] Justin: You didn't return them?
Brian: I didn't return them.
Justin: We don't need rings or vows to prove that we love each other. We already know that.
Brian: ...You did it.
Justin: Did what?
Brian: Became the best homosexual you could possibly be.

Michael: You'll always be young. You'll always be beautiful. You're Brian Kinney, for f***'s sake!

Michael: If God wanted me on ice, he would have made me a vodka martini.

[Brian has decided to move to New York] Justin: We should stop him.
Michael: Stop Brian... right. Next we can take on Starbucks.

[about Justin's Jambalaya] Hotlanta: What you need is a teensy pinch of cayenne pepper. Give it that special kick.
Brian: He's gonna get an extra special kick, later. Now, you can either stand around here eating Jambalaya, or you can come upstairs and eat my *****!

Michael: I'm sure he would go if I wanted him to.
Brian: Uh-huh.
Michael: It's true!
Brian: All right, then make sure he's there.
Michael: All right, I will.
Brian: Okay.
Michael: Okay.
Brian: Great.
Michael: Fine.

[a hot guy walks by at Babylon] Emmett: My God... have you ever seen anything so beautiful?
Ted: Venice. At sunset.
Emmett: Well - you go down the grand canal and I'll go down on him.
[jokingly follows after guy]

[about Lindsay marrying Guillaume] Melanie: What if he never leaves? What if he becomes a permanent fixture?
Brian: What if my aunt had balls? She'd be my uncle.


Review: Last year I had the opportunity to watch queerasfolk through my dvd subscription. It took me all of half an episode to be hooked on this heartbreaking, funny, dramatic, and serious look at gay life in Pittsburgh among a small group of close friends. I won't try to rehash five seasons worth of this show in a review, but I will say this: This show was way ahead of its time. Derived from the British series of the same name, it served as a model for American shows when the only gay characters on TV were Will and Jack and Ellen. queerasfolk demonstrated that America was ready to have a honest potrayal of gay and lesbian life and love onscreen.

Where this show sparkles is in its dealing with life, love, relationships, drug addiction, the struggles of gay teens and coming out, sex, dating, and discrimination against gays and lesbians. The acting is superb, showcased by Hal Sparks, Gale Howard, Randy Harrison, and Sharon Gless among others, and the cast developed their characters for the last 5 years, making them seem at times more real than not. Is it exaggerated at times? Yes, just as a show like Sex and the City is, but queerasfolk is more heartfelt and emotional than that show could ever be. QAF was also never afraid to tell a dark or painful story, reminding everyone that life is not always wonderful.

The box set extras for the last are quite good, with lots of commentaries, character and actor bios, deleted scenes, and outtakes. The DVD set releases July 4. The final season is only 13 episodes, but the show manages to wrap the series up in a way satisfying to the fans, with an ending they have been hoping for since the first episode of Season 1.[...] Enjoy the final season of this great series. Highly Recommended.


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